I wasn’t going to write about this because for the past 2 weeks I’ve been trying to block it out of my mind. Lee’s encouraged me too in the chance that it may help someone else.
2nd May I fell asleep on the sofa about 9pm – this is pretty standard behaviour at the moment, I can barely keep my eyes open. Lee woke me at about 10pm and I headed up to get ready for bed.
The next few hours became a horrendous trip down memory lane. I was bleeding and heavily. I passed something terrible, I can’t and don’t want to describe. We sobbed together and I screamed over and over again.
Lee rushed me to A&E. Yet again he was the calm to my terror. My heart bursts with love for him for the care he takes of me, yet I feel so sad for the things he’s had to see.
The next few hours where filled with tears and numbness. We sat in a cubicle in A&E waiting to see someone, anyone that could reassure us. Of course they couldn’t without a scan and the wrong assumptions were made.
We were sent away around 3am to wait for a call from the emergency clinic in the morning. You see this isn’t classed as an emergency – it’s not threatening to the mothers life. I will never forget being told that for the second time in my life and feeling pure rage fill me.
We did not sleep. We decided to go straight to our IVF clinic the next day but had an agonising wait till 2pm for a scan appointment.
To our absolute shock, we saw a perfect scan and heartbeat. The relief was completely overwhelming.
What I’d passed was a clot. A particularly large clot, possible caused when I was taken off the Clexane blood thinners or could have been caused at implantation. Nothing to worry about, but everything to be terrified of.
While this is a horrid thing to write about and read, the important thing to focus on is getting seen quickly and staying as calm as you can until you are scanned. There’s always a chance that it’s not what you think it is, and I am so glad that was the case for us.