IVF

Day 14 – My nerves are shot

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I woke in the night about 3am needing the bathroom. I’ve not slept since.

These are some of the things my mind decided I needed to think about right at that specific moment in time:

Sausage dogs. When we get ours, should I get a double lead so it’s easier to walk the small one and Fat Head at the same time? We really need to fill in the gaps under the fence in the back garden so the sausage can’t escape to next door. Wouldn’t it be nice if the dogs cuddle up together  to sleep. Must write a list of the things we need to buy – tiny bowl, new lead, tiny bed, rug for living room. Am I going to buy it tiny clothes?

Sex robots. I read an article on it yesterday. Is anyone else thinking that we should be looking for the terminators hand from Skynet right now?

IVF debate. I constructed a 4 page response (in my head) to a question posed on the House of Commons IVF debate. Struggling to pull it all together this morning.

Am I going to look like an alien when my fake eyelashes fall out? Maybe I should buy some new mascara.

But mainly I thought about what the clinic is going to say when they call this morning, and how many of our little eggs have made it.

Oh and on top of all that, Lee threw every noise he makes at me. He snored, made the weird throat click thing, talked and even threw in a little laughing action.

Of course I’m going to buy the sausage tiny clothes.


The clinic didn’t call till 11.07am. Precisely.

I was starting to worry that it was bad news and the embryologists were all sitting there going “you call her”, “no you do it”.

Good news.

One little egg wasn’t good enough but, 5 out of 5 have fertilised! 5 out of 5! That’s bloody incredible!!! We’re over the moon right now. They have to get to Wednesday and then they’ll go in the freezer to join our other little one. Fingers crossed we’ll then have 6 tiny embryos.

Keep everything crossed for the next update on Wednesday. x

Day 13 – Egg collection day

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I’ve fasted from midnight and my op is not till 12pm today. I’m starving already. We’re heading into London now, update you later.


It took about 35 minutes to harvest the eggs, while Lee went off and did his thing.
I woke up sore, swollen and totally disoriented. Ironically my tummy looks about 12 weeks pregnant right now.
Guess how many they got?
6. We got 6 beautiful eggs. My PB!
Tomorrow morning they’ll call and let us know how many have fertilised. This is the most nerve racking part. I hope we get 6/6, why not. Let’s go for another PB.
I’m tired, swollen but happy.

Day 12 – Friends

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A whole day off from medication and injections. It’s been so nice to not clock watch.

We had a huge Sunday lunch today with all our friends at The Golden Ball in Elsworth. It was noisy, chaotic and good. I’ve missed them.

I’ve found it really hard to be around the whole group for the last year. I still struggle even now. Every time I see my friends all together with their little ones, my heart breaks a tiny bit. Because ours isn’t there, our baby girl isn’t there.

I hope that changes one day.

Day 11 – A day off!

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I did have to set my alarm for 7am to take the last morning injection, but other than the trigger tonight, all my injections are done! My stomach looks huge with the bloating but I feel pretty good otherwise.

I’ve spent the whole day in my PJ’s, watching football, drinking tea and eating. Heaven. I only left the house to walk the dog. It’s been good, I really needed a rest.

We booked a holiday too! Off to try and see the Northern Lights at the beginning of Feb, one off the bucket list.

The clinic called earlier to tell me the precise time to do the trigger injection, 11.30pm tonight. Tomorrow they’ll call and let us know what time to be there on Monday for the egg collection. I’ll need to fast from a certain time too.

I feel eggcited.

Sorry.

Day 10 – another progress scan

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The snow chaos (despite the distinct lack of snow), caused a huge jam on the A14 this morning, that I sat in for 45 mins, missing a train in the process. I left home at 8.15 and finally got to the clinic art 11am, only 30mins late.

Results today are not what we were expecting.

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The one larger follicle has shrunk a bit, and now I wonder if it was measured properly as its now 2mm smaller. But, that is a good thing because, it means my trigger will now be Saturday night like I wanted, hoorah! That means some of the smaller follicles around 11/14mm still have another good day of growing.

I am really hopeful of getting more eggs this time and I’m going to call 6 as the magic number.

Rest of the day went well, I made it back to Cambridge for a really good sales meeting, and we headed into town early for burger night.

Oh my god the burgers were good! Definitely a highlight of the week.

Day 9 – My 39th Birthday

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“Isn’t it about time you started popping them out?”

“You want to get a move on girl, you’re not getting any younger”

“I suppose your career is more important to you?”

I’ve heard all the above (and more), a million times. People have been making assumptions about me for years, mostly wrong, and everyone has an opinion on your current childless status.

Lee and I met when I was 34. You have no idea what life is going to throw at you. No idea when you’ll meet that person that changes your life for the better, or when you’ll want or be in a position to have children. Four years ago I was 35. I wasn’t leaving it too late, we were ready to be parents.

Fast forward 4 years. Today I’ve been at the clinic again and more injections tonight. Not the greatest way to spend your birthday but if it gets us the present we want, then I’m happy.

Todays results below:

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So we’re up to 15 follicles, probably about 9 that could possibly get big enough. The ones below 7 won’t grow any quicker so they’ll be discounted. Its still not a great result today compared to other goes, only 3 at around the right size. The clinic called me this afternoon and have asked me to go back in tomorrow for another scan & bloods. This happens all the time, you have to re-arrange things at the drop of a hat. 

I think they are going to ask me to take my trigger injection on Friday night, rather than on Saturday as was the original plan, meaning they’ll collect eggs Sunday not Monday. I’m not happy about that and I’m going to speak to my consultant tomorrow.

Thing is, I don’t make that many eggs so I think triggering on Saturday could give some of the smaller follicles a bit more time to grow, and maybe, just maybe, we’d get a few more eggs. You might think I’m being a bit shirty about it, but at the end of the day this is my body and our money. I feel like this is our last shot to make this happen, and I’m not going to waste the chance of getting a few more eggs.

Anyway, I will fill you all in tomorrow night, after we’ve eaten our body weight in burgers.

I’ve had some amazing birthday messages today, some that have made me laugh out loud and cry all at the same time. A gorgeous friend sent me a bag of lucky chocolate eggs for the “shit hen”! I nearly wet myself laughing.

Days like this remind you how lucky you are.

Day 8 – An appointment free day

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Today I am tired. Mentally and physically tired.

Am I allowed to say that not being a parent? Sometimes I’m not sure. I’m actually scared to tell my friends how tired I because I’m sure they just won’t believe me.

I don’t sleep well at the best of times, and something I’m taking is adding to that, probably the Doxycycline steroid as a nurse mentioned it can cause insomnia. Cheers.

Today I had the gift of no appointments and no trips into London. A whole day at the office to catch up. I had to explain my situation to a couple more clients today as I still can’t commit to meetings next week. I’m still blown away at how understanding everyone is being.

So on Sunday I said I’d explain about “the trigger” injection, in my case Pregnyl. This is the last injection that you take before they collect your eggs, and it’s taken 2 days before at a very precise time. At the moment the current plan is to trigger me on Saturday evening, but that can change depending on how the next few days go.

Its my birthday tomorrow. I’ll be at the clinic for another progress scan in the morning and then home for injections in the evening. I know how to celebrate don’t I? Heading to the new Steak & Honour restaurant early Friday evening to stuff our faces instead (I mean burgers are protein so that’s totally fine).


On Monday 16th January 4.30-5.30pm there’s a House of Commons debate: IVF and other NHS fertility services.

If you head on over to the Facebook Page, you can share your experiences and thoughts on the decommissioning of IVF and other NHS fertility services.

Is it fair that IVF access should be determined by a series of local rationing and budgetary decisions or is it a medical entitlement that should be available to all?

No its not fair.

Yes it is a medical entitlement.

Yes it should be available to all.

It too late for us. Our own IVF treatment is self funded and desperately expensive. We were refused NHS funding as one test level came back too high, despite finding out later that stress levels can cause this test to be high. The test had to be taken at a clinic where I had previously miscarried, not surprising my stress levels were high.

I love the NHS, I really believe its one of the best things about this country, but it is failing us with infertility problems. It is failing hard working tax payers that need help.

My incredibly brave friend wrote this piece today and summed up what we’ve thought a million times over, so beautifully. I am so proud of her:

“My husband and I are average people, average people in average jobs, we live in an average 3 bed semi and commute to our average office work. We don’t live a glamorous lifestyle with endless disposable income. We work 9-5 pay our taxes etc etc. We don’t complain. Those taxes take care of a lot of our basic needs including our wonderful NHS. Fundamental things we need the NHS will supply. If I broke a tooth the NHS would fix it, if I fractured my wrist you’d put it in a cast, if I couldn’t walk or carry out other basic functions the NHS would investigate and find a solution. There are even stories of the NHS funding boob jobs if the patient is depressed enough. But one basic thing that most people can do naturally you want to take out of easy reach for those who cannot. Why is it a step too far to fund that? Why is that too ‘expensive’ when so many other treatments are not. So if we can’t have children you won’t help. We must pay ourselves, to hell with the pain of infertility, the emptiness, the loss, the grief, pay up or be childless. Money talks.

Is parenthood only for those who can afford it? Or should everyone get a chance. The chance to grow a life, to be Mummy or Daddy”

We all deserve the chance to be parents. Please have your say.

Day 7 – Progress scan

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Office. Clinic. Office. That was my day. Set an all time record for getting in, getting scanned and getting out of London. Train at 10am, walked right into appointment at 11, back at my desk for 12. Boom.

I know. I 100% need to get out more when this is what’s impressed me today.

I got the chart for my results. Directly below is the chart from the last round, you can see the progress of the follicle size on each scan day. This shows the 4 large follicles which resulted in 4 eggs being collected (but, remember only one little bugger made it into the freezer).

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Below is todays.

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So there’s more follicles, we’re up to 11 now from 9, and a few have got a bit bigger, but not as many as I hoped. Honestly, I feel a teeny bit disapointed. I thought the progress would be better.

I’m having a bit of a blue day today and feeling a bit teary, so maybe I just need to get some sleep and I’ll feel better tomorrow.

Day 5 – First progress scan

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Early start for the clinic today, typing this on the 9.20am train out of Cambridge

We usually book something nice to do around weekend appointments in London, a lunch somewhere, a show, shopping etc, but Lee is working at a wedding fair today so I’m solo.
I may* take a stroll down to Oxford Circus and check out the sales.
*will.
Back home now. Today didn’t quite go to plan, a patient had a medical emergency at the clinic and all appointments were delayed by about and hour & 20. I hope they’re ok. Because it was a bit rushed, I didn’t get the chart print out I was hoping for, but that’s cool I’ll get it Tuesday instead and update you then.
So I currently have 6 follicles growing, 2 on the left ovary, 4 on the right.  More will grow over the next week. It feels slightly weird that I’m sharing info about my insides – too much?
Anyway, size does matter…..when it comes to follicles. The bigger the better in this case.
Mine currently are:
2 x 12mm
1 x 10mm
2 x 9mm
1 x 5mm
By Saturday 14th, which should be my last progress scan before they trigger me (more on that in the week), they need to be above 16mm. I usually get 4/5 follicles that size, which have led to 3/4 eggs collected, so the aim here is to get some large ones!
At this time during the last round, I had the same amount of follicles but they were a tiny bit smaller, so I see this as progress. I wonder if that meditation is helping? It will be much easier to explain when I can get the chart.
Tonight is the 3 injections again and then tomorrow I have to introduce another one Centrotide, in the morning at 7am, along with some antibiotics. Oh and good news, I can take some cough medicine tonight. Lee will be pleased.
I had a conversation with a good friend this week, about how personal these details are, and how far I’ll go with it. See at some point around March time, once the embryos have been safely tucked back inside and I’ve enjoyed my two week wait, crafting, writing, sleeping and watching trash tv, they’ll be either be some really good or pretty sad news to deliver.
If its good news, will we want to keep that to ourselves for a while? Maybe, but then it defeats the object of writing this to help others. I think whatever happens we’ll let you know. Good or bad we’ll need support.

Day 4 – ill

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I’m a bit ill.  I kept us both awake coughing in the night and now I’m awake, my head is pounding.

I don’t know how this might effect the IVF, I’ve never been ill while injecting before. I know I can take paracetamol but I’m to sure what else is advised. I’m heading to the clinic tomorrow anyway so I’ll check then.

In the mean time I’m staying inside in the warm, having plenty of tea (decaf tea, caffeine is another thing you can’t have), water and napping on the sofa.

I had planned to work today and I’ve done a bit, but no-where near what I wanted to achieve. Can’t be helped. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, making this baby is way more important.

Tomorrow I’m heading into the clinic for the first progress scan. They’ll check how many follicles they can see and record the size of them on a chart. They’ll also take bloods to check my estrogen levels.

I still have my charts from the last 2 times we’ve been through this, it will be really interesting to see if any of the things I’m doing differently have an effect on the size of the follicles and eggs collected. Maybe just being a bit more relaxed and positive will help.

Now the question is, trim or not to trim? They really won’t care will they? 😉