Today we were given the go ahead and I burst into tears. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

What happens next?

They wont defrost the embryos till Thursday. This is to try and sync the embryos to the natural cycle. Today is classed as day 0, tomorrow (Tuesday) day 1, so Thursday will be day 3. Our frozen embryos were grown to day 3 then frozen – so if defrosted then, we’re back in sync.

On Thursday depending on how many make it past defrosting and how strong they are, they’ll call us to go in that day for the transfer.

If a higher number make it past defrosting, and they are strong, they’ll try to grow them for 2 more days and transfer them on Saturday.

So now we wait for a call from the embryologist.

I’ve been slowly drowning over the last couple of weeks since the start of this cycle. I think brought on by fear of failure and the birthday that never was. I feel sadness, I should be excited.

All I can do is try and pull myself out of it over the next few days. Does this ever go away?

I’m sorry to friends that I’ve ignored or worse hurt with self obsessed words. It’s not you, it’s me.